Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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