i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I am one with the molecules
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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