im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
