Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
