I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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