no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
