take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
