I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
