youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Randomize
