the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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