I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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