I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
