1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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