I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
