first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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