he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
