The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
