When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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