Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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