I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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