so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
