And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
