but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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