my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
