Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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