i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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