Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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