No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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