Don't you send me to vm
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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