last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
