my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My feet surprised me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
