After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
