Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
