I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
