She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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