I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
