haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
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