Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
