dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
