If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
