I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
