So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
