I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
