I heard we made out
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
