Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
