I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
