Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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