I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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