fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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