i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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