If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
