Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
