you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think a kid would responsible me up
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
