We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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